


I thought about dying because

by MikotoHoshizora2003



Category: Utaite
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-07
Updated: 2020-06-07
Packaged: 2021-03-04 07:09:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,592
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24589609
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MikotoHoshizora2003/pseuds/MikotoHoshizora2003
Summary: Soraru has decided that no matter what, he would stay alive and help Mafumafu with everything until he wouldn’t be needed anymore. And he guessed that that time would be sooner than he thought.
Relationships: Mafumafu/Soraru (Utaite)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 43





	1. Chapter 1

"Seeing that Mafumafu was growing even more popular every day, Soraru realized that he wasn't needed anymore."

*****

"So-ra-ru-san~", an albino exclaimed as he threw himself onto a ravenette. "What is it, Mafu?", Soraru asked annoyed as the younger male only giggled at the older's attitude. "Let's go to a cafe to discuss the next AtR song today!", Mafumafu exclaimed as the older male thought about it before sighing and nodding. 

"I guess we can do that. Let me pack my things and then we can go.", Soraru said, giving in to his friend's wishes. Mafumafu only cheered before he jumped up and down waiting for the ravenette to finish. "Let's go.", Soraru merely said as he swung his bag over his shoulder as Mafumafu did so as well before he followed the older male. 

Once they arrived at the cafe, they sat down in the back corner where they could talk to each other in peace. "So I think that we should make this song go more into this kind of direction.", Mafumafu started as he explained Soraru about the image he had in mind for the song. 

"Hm... yeah, let's go with that.", Soraru agreed after listening to it making the albino's face brighten up in delight when the ravenette agreed to him. "Great! I'll work on the song and send you the audio after I'm done then!", Mafumafu exclaimed as the older male only hummed in response. The younger male started talking cheerfully about how the song could be while Soraru only listened to him. 

Whenever he was with Mafumafu, he couldn't help but think that the albino was truly talented. Not only did he have a unique voice which would draw many people in but he could also compose his own songs, pouring all of his emotions into them. 

With his unique voice, composing skills, adorable appearance and incredible character, it was no surprise for Mafumafu to be the number one Utaite in japan. 

In Soraru's eyes, Mafumafu was the most incredible and perfect human being in this rotten world. Even if Mafumafu had a terrible past which all of his fans knew about. Even if Mafumafu had his insecurities about people disliking his music or himself. 

Soraru still thought of Mafumafu as the most beautiful thing in the world. 

And he decided to be there for Mafumafu as long as he was needed. 

*****

A soft music starting ringing throughout the room as Soraru slightly stirred before waking up confused to see that someone was calling him right now. He picked up the phone and looked at the caller ID to see that it was Mafumafu. Confused and worried, he picked his phone up. 

"Mafu? Is something wrong?", Soraru asked trying to wake up completely. "S-soraru-san... Sorry for calling you now b-but—", Mafumafu stopped talking as he hiccuped trying to calm his sobbing down to talk again. 

"I— C-can you— *hic*". "It's ok, Mafu. I'll be there soon.", Soraru said as Mafumafu only hummed before Soraru quickly hung up before getting out of his bed and quickly putting on some shoes before heading out, not even bothering to change his clothes. 

He rushed towards the albino's apartment which was fortunately really close to his apartment. 

As soon as he arrived, he took the spare keys out that he got from Mafumafu some time ago, not even bothering to knock as he opened the door and stepped inside. 

He took his shoes off as he walked straight into the albino's bedroom where the younger male was sitting on his bed, hugging his knees. 

Mafumafu looked up as soon as he heard the door opening and Soraru walked over to him quickly, so the albino didn't have to run over to him, as he opened his arms. 

The younger male immediately took that chance as he hugged the ravenette's torso, burying his face into the older male's chest as Soraru could practically feel the tears draining his shirt. 

The older male didn't care though as he just hugged the albino back, pulling him closer while leaning down slightly for the albino to get more warmth. 

He softly ran a hand through Mafumafu's hair as he started muttering encouraging words to the younger male. "It's alright. I'm here now. Everything will be alright.", Soraru whispered quietly as Mafumafu only tightened his grip on Soraru's shirt as he continued to softly sob. 

It was one of those nights again. Those nights where Mafumafu's doubt and fear overtook him until they pulled him into the dark pits of despair. On those nights, Soraru would be there for him, telling him the truth about how all of his friends and fans loved him and his music dearly. And that he didn't have to worry at all. 

And due to it being Soraru, Mafumafu managed to get convinced every time. Soraru continued whispering encouraging words until the albino's sobbing slowly got quieter before Mafumafu pulled away. "Are you alright now? Or do you need anything else? If so, I can bring you anything you want.", Soraru said as he kneeled down to be on eye height with the younger male. 

Mafumafu only shook his head while Soraru wiped his tears away gently. "All I want is...", Mafumafu started as the raven-haired male understood and nodded. "Alright. Lay down then.", Soraru said as Mafumafu immediately did as told as he looked at Soraru who sat next to his bed, stroking his head with one hand while he grasped the albino's hand with his other one. 

And then... he started singing something for Mafumafu. Mafumafu only closed his eyes as Soraru did the same, both of them listening to the husky yet soothing voice of the raven-haired male and concentrating on it. 

"There was a time when I thought about dying. It must have been because I hadn't met you yet. And if people like you can exist in this world, then maybe I like it a little after all. And if people like you are living in this world, then maybe it's alright to hope a little too..."

Soraru's last note resonated through the room as Mafumafu had a small smile on his face. "Me too. I'm like that person in the song. I also thought about dying. But thanks to you... I could continue life on with you and everyone. Thank you.", Mafumafu thanked him as Soraru didn't say anything at first and just squeezed the albino's hands. 

"I see... Do you still want to die?", Soraru asked. "Not anymore. Because you were there for me.", Mafumafu answered with a small smile, his eyes still closed.

"Do you want to live then?", Soraru questioned. "Yes. I want to live to continue making music for everyone to listen to. I want to save people with music just like it saved me before.", Mafumafu replied. 

"Are you... satisfied with your life? Are you happy now?", Soraru asked. 

"Yes. Until the end of my life, I will continue on with music and do my best to reach people with my songs.", Mafumafu answered. "I see... That's good then.", Soraru said in his usual calm tone. 

But his expression showed happiness and pain at the same time, tears streaming down his face as Soraru was actually struggling to keep his voice normal so Mafumafu wouldn't notice. 

And Mafumafu's eyes were feeling very heavy right now which is why he never saw the expression on Soraru's face. 

"Thank you for everything you've done for me. Thanks for helping me getting this far.", Mafumafu thanked the older male as he squeezed Soraru's hand one last time before he fell asleep. 

"Thank you for being there for me in my hardest time of my life...", Mafumafu whispered before he stopped saying anything as his breathing evened indicating that he fell asleep. 

"You... are giving too much credit, Mafu. I only gave you a light push towards the right direction ... But thank you for at least thinking so.", Soraru muttered. He gently caressed Mafumafu's face as he reminisced the past. 

In the past, Mafumafu was even frailer and a mess. But now, he had a lot of friends, thousands of fans and admirers and his music. He remembered how Mafumafu depended on him a lot in the past, these kind of nights, happening very often. 

But now, it would only be on rare times when his nightmares were so horrible that he couldn't do anything else but call Soraru. But even then, it was probably only him because Mafumafu was used to it always being him. It wouldn't make a difference if Soraru was exchanged with someone else. 

He knew that. Soraru checked his phone to see the comments on a frequent AtR song. Most of them were positive. But many of them were also hate directed towards them. Towards Mafumafu. And especially towards him. 

"Uwah, Soraru didn't do anything again this time either."

"Why do Mafumafu's songs have to be like this so often?"

"Soraru doesn't do anything for AtR. Why is he even allowed to sing with Mafumafu?"

"Get away from Mafumafu-sama already! You do nothing but waste his time!"

"Now that I think about it... Mafumafu does all the work, doesn't he? Soraru just sings the songs so why does Mafumafu even want to work with him?"

Usually, he wouldn't mind that. In the past, he wouldn't have minded that. But now, being in After the Rain with Mafumafu... it changed him. 

He started to show more emotions because of Mafumafu. He started to care more because of Mafumafu. And that's why, he started to worry more about dragging the albino down. Being reminded that so often, of course he'd know. 

That he wasn't needed anymore. 

He packed his phone away as he gently brushed Mafumafu's bangs away, smiling sadly as he let go of the other's hand. 

"I'm proud of you for getting so far and becoming so successful. Everything will be alright now. You'll have enough friends being there to support you now. Amatsuki... Sakata... Urata... Luz... and many more. They'll be there for you and someone can take my place when I'm not here anymore. 

Thanks for singing together with me and creating After the Rain with me. Thanks for wanting to stay with me even though I always pretended to be annoyed. Thanks for showing me how to love. Please continue on with life and strive for even higher.", Soraru said before he looked at the sleeping albino and smiled fondly. 

He leaned down slightly as he placed a soft kiss on Mafumafu's forehead before he stood up and walked to the door. 

He then looked back once more and took a last look at Mafumafu before exiting the apartment. Soraru walked through the night streets as he looked up at the clear sky with stars decorating them. 

Soraru could hear the sound of the cars and people growing fainter as he walked towards an abandoned building laying in the middle of a flower field. It was beautiful there. 

It was the place where he would go whenever he felt stressed or needed to calm down. 

Originally, he intended to bring Mafumafu here so that the albino could have a place like that as well. But Mafumafu didn't need that anymore. 

Soraru only took in the sweet scent of the white flowers covering the whole field as he walked into the building and walked the stairs up until he reached the rooftop. 

The moon was out shining in its fullest light. He then decided to do something he'd usually never do, sitting down on the edge of the building and letting his feet dangling from the building as he had the possibility to see the wide white flower field being lighted by the moonlight. 

"Strange. For some reason, I don't feel scared of the height at all like I usually would be.", Soraru said laughing lightly. 

He then shifted his attention back on the magnificent scenery in front of him. Seeing all of this, Soraru suddenly got the motivation to sing. 

So he decided that he would, knowing that no one would hear him anyway.  
He imagined the instrumental intro playing in his head before he opened his mouth and started singing. He continued singing, pouring out all of his emotions as he wished for someone to hear them. His hidden pain. His hidden suffering. 

That he both had hidden the whole time for the sake of not wanting anyone to worry about him. Because he was the one who everyone relied on. 

So he couldn't risk to show his weak side. He couldn't risk for the people he wanted to help, not wanting to bother him anymore. 

"Hey, I'm trying to sing a song and look up at the moon here. Someday to you, only to you, I want it to reach you. I don't need promises anymore so I want you to keep shining on me. 

Always barefoot, never forgetting, towards the scent of the morning. The rustling sound of waves, suddenly it looked down at the flickering water's surface. The faintly shining moon smiled. 

That's what it felt like...", Soraru sang the last part as he had a soft smile on his face. 

"The moon is really beautiful tonight. I wish I could have seen it with you once at least, Mafumafu...", Soraru whispered as he looked around to see that no one was there before he looked down to see a pool of white flowers in front of him. 

This was the ideal place where he would want to be in his last moments of life. 

"Ah... there is going to be quite something going on after this... But I'm sure you'll be alright. With the help of everyone... please continue on singing. Goodbye.", Soraru said before he pushed himself off the building with a smile on his face. 

No one was there to stop him. No one was there to witness him at that time. 

But when someone did come, they would see a raven-haired male laying on his back, tainting the pure white flowers with his blood as his eyes were closed and a small smile formed on his face. 

And so, Soraru's story had ended. 

*****

If on that day, Mafumafu had looked at Soraru and saw his expression. If on that day, he hadn't fallen asleep. If on that day, he had woken up when he felt someone kissing him softly on the forehead. It could have ended differently. 

A loud knock woke him up as he sat up confused, seeing that Soraru had left. He wasn't surprised though as this happened a lot of times so he just walked to the door and opened it, surprised to see some police officers standing there. 

"Good morning. Are you Mafumafu-san?", one of the policemen asked as Mafumafu nodded confused. "Yes... Is something the matter?", the albino asked. The first policeman turned to the other male as he nodded before turning back to Mafumafu. 

"We are sorry to say this but last night someone took his life. He had a note beside him with your name on it and a key to this apartment so we thought you might be acquainted to him.", he said as Mafumafu felt really sick already. 

"W-what was his name?", Mafumafu asked hoping that they would name a stranger's name and would have mistaken him for the very person who the albino is thinking about. 

"We don't know what his name is. But he had this note with him which was addressed to you. So we were hoping that you would know this man's identity.", he said as Mafumafu's heart fell into his stomach. He still believed that it wouldn't be the one he thought of. 

But when he opened the note, he felt like throwing up. There wasn't much written in there. 

There wasn't even a name signed there. But he would recognize that handwriting everywhere and the words seemed like it would belong to the raven-haired male he grew to love. 

I'm sorry. Please continue to sing with everyone and strive an even higher goal with everyone. Even if I am not part of that "everyone" anymore. I'll watch you even if I'm not by your side anymore. I will always love you, Mafumafu. 

"Mafumafu-san, are you alright? Do you need—", the police officer was interrupted by a loud scream as they both looked at the albino in shock who only sunk down onto his knees, clinging onto the paper as if his life depended on it. 

"Soraru-san... Soraru-san... Soraru-san! SORARU-SAN!", Mafumafu cried out his name as if he expected an answer. 

The two men tried to calm the albino down who only cried even more. 

"This is not fair! This is not fair! You can't leave me back all alone just because I said I was happy! 

Just because I have friends now! Doesn't mean, you can just go!

Because if you leave me... If you leave me— All my purpose and life meaning is gone!", Mafumafu shouted at the older male who wasn't there. 

"Please calm down, Mafumafu-san. We will explain you what happened and what we could find out while investigating.", the policeman said as he helped Mafumafu up and they both helped him get into the car before driving to the police station. 

If on that day, Mafumafu had looked at Soraru and saw his expression. 

If on that day, he hadn't fallen asleep. If on that day, he had woken up when he felt someone kissing him softly on the forehead. 

It could have ended differently. But now everything was too late. Soraru was gone. 

And Mafumafu couldn't do anything besides wishing to turn back time. 

He wished he could turn back time and could have stopped Soraru from ending his own life. 

He wished he could have returned the favor of Soraru always being the one consoling him. He wished he could have saved Soraru this time. 

Just like Soraru saved him. But that was all just a wish that would never come true. 

Soraru was gone. 

And there was nothing Mafumafu could do to change that. 

To be continued


	2. Chapter 2

"After Soraru had left him, Mafumafu lost the ability to smile."

*****

A faint knock could be heard through the room as the albino living in the house didn't react to it. He only buried himself into his blankets as he blankly stared at his red stained wall. There was another knock which went unanswered as well. 

Mafumafu only glanced at the door before he ignored it and looked back at the wall. It was so silent that he could hear the person on the other side of the door sighing loudly before he heard some clicking noises. 

The door opened as a familiar brunet walked through the hallway and next thing Mafumafu knew, the brunet was standing in front of him as he crossed his arms. He looked up to see the sight of his friend, Amatsuki. 

"Jeez, Mafu-kun... You've been staying in the same spot ever since I came yesterday.", Amatsuki sighed as he sat down in front of Mafumafu as he looked at the other male expectantly who only stayed silent before reluctantly holding out his hands to the other male, revealing his blood stained hands. 

His hands became like this after he had destroyed all of his cups which were now shattered on the floor. His room was a mess and almost everything was destroyed. Amatsuki took Mafumafu's hands as he started to bandage the albino's hands like he did everyday ever since the incident. "...Why do you do this to yourself?", Amatsuki asked as he could feel tears welling up in his eyes. 

"I know that you're sad after what happened with Soraru-san but... do you think he would have wanted for you to end up like this?! 

Mafu-kun, it's May now! This has been going on for a month!", Amatsuki reminded the albino who only clenched his fists as his empty expression turned into one of despair. 

"Ama-chan, he left me without me wanting to! He wasn't fair either! He left me even though I thought that everything would finally turn well! I had hope! Hope in finally being able to live happily! But without Soraru-san... I won't have a life purpose anymore! All the success and fans... 

I gained them with the help of Soraru-san! And then he suddenly left! And he didn't even explain why! He was the one who told me to cherish life! Yet he was the one who took his own and left me here alone!", Mafumafu shouted as he ripped his hands away from Amatsuki and reached towards his head as he gripped his hair tightly. 

"He said he loved me after he was dead! And I loved him back! But he'll never get to know it now because he's gone!", Mafumafu cried out. 

Amatsuki felt his tears finally streaming down as well after Mafumafu started crying as he still tried to support his friend. "But now, he's watching you from above. So please... please continue on singing for him.", Amatsuki told him as Mafumafu hiccuped before nodding. 

"Yes...", Mafumafu said as the brunet smiled and nodded. "Good. Do you want me to stay and make you dinner or do you want to have some time for yourself?", Amatsuki asked. 

"I'd rather be alone right now... But thanks, Ama-chan. For everything you've done for me.", Mafumafu thanked the brunet who only responded with a smile. "Of course! We are friends after all!", Amatsuki told him smiling. 

"Well, I'll be leaving then. But if you ever do need my help, you know you can call me.", Amatsuki reminded him as the albino merely nodded. Amatsuki soon left the apartment after that leaving Mafumafu back in his apartment alone. 

The albino didn't have any appetite as he looked at his room. Messy, destroyed, stained with blood. Mafumafu decided that he had enough of that sight as he stood up from his bed which he hadn't done for some time. 

He put on some new clothes before he exited his apartment, the fresh air hitting him as soon as he did. He closed the door quietly before walking, having no exact place in mind as he only let his feet carry him where his heart told him to. 

Soon, he arrived at a familiar abandoned building. There were signs telling people not to go there but Mafumafu ignored them as he walked into there nethertheless. The sight was beautiful. 

A wide flower field filled with white flowers. But Mafumafu could make out a spot which was occupied with "red" flowers. The albino walked there as he kneeled down and touched one of the many red flowers. "So beautiful...", Mafumafu mumbled to himself as he picked up a white rose, with some red stains. 

In his eyes, it was still beautiful though as he eyed it while walking into the building and walking up the same staircase which the ravenette had walked before. Before Mafumafu knew it, he was standing on the rooftop. 

He walked close to the edge of the building but didn't sit down as he only took in the scenery. It was the exact same one as the older male had experienced. "Soraru-san, what happened to your fear of heights if you chose this place?", Mafumafu asked laughing to himself. 

"How is it up in heaven? I hope you can still do fun things up there. Games would be nice, wouldn't they?", Mafumafu asked trying to be cheerful. 

He laughed a bit more before he couldn't keep this facade anymore as he then gripped the rose tighter as he could feel a slight pain through his bandaged hands. He but his lip as he tried to keep his tears on hold, failing miserably. 

"I miss you, Soraru-san... The pain is too much for me! And I always wonder... what must have hurt you so much that a strong person like you has decided to take his life?", Mafumafu whispered. 

"I know it's selfish of me to say this but... I want to be with you again! I wanted to know the reason why you did this! And when I knew... I wanted to be the one to convince you otherwise like you always did! But... that's impossible now... Because you left me with nothing but this note.", Mafumafu said as he took the note out which was still clean as he had taken good care of it. 

"Hey, Soraru-san... what would you say if I'd tell you that I want to go where you are?", Mafumafu asked as he walked forward. He continued walking until he reached the edge of the building, standing on it as he looked down. 

"If I just take one more step... I'll be reunited with you... Then we can continue on singing together.", Mafumafu exclaimed smiling but his tears betrayed him. He read one last time through the note as he read Soraru's message before folding it back, clutching onto it tightly. 

He took a deep breath and put on his brightest smile he could as he shouted out towards the sky which reminded him of his beloved one. 

"I love you too, Soraru-san!", he shouted before he jumped off the building. He turned around so he could see the sight of the sky which Soraru got to see as well as he smiled to himself. 

His smile quickly disappeared though as he suddenly felt a sharp pain in his heart which was weird. The pain should be everywhere. But instead, the only thing hurt was his heart. 

Mafumafu's breathing got quicker and uneven. Unlike Soraru, he hadn't died despite his fall and all he got was this heart pain. 

But Mafumafu couldn't move as he only laid there trying to calm down. But he couldn't as he had a panic attack. 

Soon, the panic overcame him as he got scared. He cried as his breathing got even more uneven. "Soraru-san, Soraru-san!", Mafumafu cried between his breaths as he felt his mind breaking. 

He felt this uncontrollable despair overtake him. 

But before he could break completely, he suddenly felt a cold yet familiar and soft touch on his cheek. Mafumafu blinked and for a second, he could see Soraru hovering above him giving him a soft smile. "S-soraru-san...", Mafumafu whispered with a smile as his last tears rolled down. 

"Ah, there he is! Quickly, take him to a hospital!", someone exclaimed as Mafumafu felt everything go black. Mafumafu knew that his attempt to kill himself had failed. But he hadn't regret anything. Because that way, he got to see Soraru again. 

He knew that he would get into a lot of trouble from Amatsuki and everyone after he would wake up. But after seeing the raven-haired male a last time, he decided that he would continue to do his best for him. And so, Mafumafu's story continued on. 

*****

"Mafu? Mafu!", someone called out to him as Mafumafu blinked a few times before he completely woke up. 

The white hospitals walls. The furniture going in the same color. The doctors. Amatsuki. 

His friends. This is what Mafumafu expected to see when he would wake up. 

What he didn't expect was to see a raven-haired male, he had longed to see for such a long time, sitting in front of him. 

"Oi, Mafu... Snap out of it.", the ravenette sighed as he snapped his fingers in front of the albino to get him out of his daydreams. Mafumafu only sat there still shocked. 

"Soraru-san?", Mafumafu asked in disbelief as the said male tilted his head before answering. 

"Yes?", he asked in response as that confirmation was all it took for Mafumafu to break into tears again. The older male flinched startled as he was confused on what to do. 

"Eh? A-ah, don't cry.", Soraru said as he stood up and patted Mafumafu's head. 

The customers started looking towards the duo as they lightly glared at Soraru, thinking he was the one who caused this. Soraru noticed that as he quickly called the waiter over and payed before he pulled Mafumafu up and took his hand before he guided him back to his apartment. 

All the while, Mafumafu didn't stop crying as he tightly clung onto the raven-haired male's hand. It was the same familiar and soft feeling he had before with the only difference there being was the warmth instead of coldness. 

They soon arrived at Mafumafu's apartment as the albino saw the older male taking out the spare keys which the younger male gave him, opening the door. After he managed to open the door with one hand, Mafumafu refusing to let go, Soraru gently guided the younger male inside as he lightly pushed the younger male to sit down before he kneeled down in front of him. 

"Are you alright? Did something happen?", Soraru asked in his usual gentle and calm voice which the albino had come to know and love. 

"Mhm... But everything is alright again now. Because you're back.", Mafumafu said as Soraru wiped his tears away. "I'm not sure if I get what you mean but that's good then. Now go and lay down. Is there anything you need?", Soraru asked as he helped Mafumafu to lay down. 

"All I need is what you do every time when I feel down...", Mafumafu whispered as Soraru nodded understanding. 

Soraru sat down next to Mafumafu's bed as he started stroking his head with one hand while he grasped the albino's hand with his other one. 

"It was just like that day", Mafumafu noted. 

There was a short silence before Soraru started to sing. Mafumafu only closed his eyes as Soraru did the same, both of them listening to the husky yet soothing voice of the raven-haired male and concentrating on it. 

"There was a time when I thought about dying. It must have been because I hadn't met you yet. And if people like you can exist in this world, then maybe I like it a little after all. And if people like you are living in this world, then maybe it's alright to hope a little too..."

There was another silence as soon as Soraru finished his song which was just the same as Mafumafu had remembered. He glanced at his calendar which marked that it was the 13th of April today. And that confirmed it. 

Today was the day of Soraru's death. 

Mafumafu wanted to jump up and shout at the older male not to die right that instance. But something in his heart told him to wait and act like he did on that day to find out Soraru's reason of taking his life. And so he did. 

"Me too. I'm like that person in the song. I also thought about dying. But thanks to you... I could continue life on with you and everyone. Thank you.", Mafumafu thanked him as Soraru squeezed Mafumafu's hand in response just like he did on that day. "I see... Do you still want to die?", Soraru asked. And there was that question again. 

Mafumafu had wondered why Soraru asked him that on that day. "Not anymore. Because you were there for me.", Mafumafu answered with a small smile, his eyes closed. 

"Do you want to live then?", Soraru questioned. "Yes. I want to live to continue making music for everyone to listen to. I want to save people with music just like it saved me before.", Mafumafu repeated. "Are you... satisfied with your life? Are you happy now?", Soraru asked. 

"I would have been happy if you hadn't left me on that day."

"Yes. Until the end of my life, I will continue on with music and do my best to reach people with my songs.", Mafumafu answered. "I see... That's good then.", Soraru said in his usual calm tone. 

On that day, Mafumafu had his eyes closed as he was on the verge of falling asleep. But that was the fatal mistake he made. 

So this time, Mafumafu carefully opened his eyes and couldn't help but widen his eyes when he saw tears streaming down on Soraru's face. 

The stoic Soraru who was his savior, always strong and a hero in his eyes... that Soraru... was crying in front of him, not looking him into the eyes. 

His expression showed happiness and pain at the same time, tears streaming down his face and Mafumafu wondered how he could even talk normally with an expression like that. 

Soraru still looked down as Mafumafu closed his eyes though just to make sure as he repeated the very same sentences he said on that day.

"Thank you for everything you've done for me. Thanks for helping me getting this far.", Mafumafu thanked the older male as he squeezed Soraru's hand one last time before he pretended to grow more tired. "Thank you for being there for me in my hardest time of my life...", Mafumafu whispered before he stopped saying anything as his breathing evened indicating that he fell asleep. 

Or at least as he pretended to be so. 

There was another silence before the older male started speaking up. "You... are giving too much credit, Mafu. I only gave you a light push towards the right direction ... But thank you for at least thinking so.", Soraru muttered as Mafumafu felt his hand grazing his cheek ever so slightly. 

"You're wrong, Soraru-san. You are the reason I've come this far. You didn't just give me a push but helped me stay on this path!"

Mafumafu heard some shuffling as he assumed that Soraru took out his phone. There was a long silence as Mafumafu wondered what Soraru was doing and grew slightly curious and worried when he heard the raven-haired male sighing. 

Mafumafu continued to pretend to be asleep as he heard some shuffling again, assuming that Soraru packed his phone away. He then felt a soft hand brushing his bangs away as he flinched slightly but hoped that the older male wouldn't notice. 

"I'm proud of you for getting so far and becoming so successful. Everything will be alright now. You'll have enough friends being there to support you now. Amatsuki... Sakata... Urata... Luz... and many more. They'll be there for you and someone can take my place when I'm not here anymore. 

Thanks for singing together with me and creating After the Rain with me. Thanks for wanting to stay with me even though I always pretended to be annoyed. Thanks for showing me how to love. Please continue on with life and strive for even higher.", Soraru said. 

"I can't. If you're not here with me... I wouldn't know what to do. I'd turn back into the old helpless me. So please don't leave me!"

Mafumafu felt a soft pair of lips on his forehead before the ravenette let go of his hand making Mafumafu want to grasp it again. But he refrained himself from doing so. 

He heard some footsteps which grew quieter, indicating that Soraru was heading towards the door. There were some quiet sounds before the door opened and then closed as Mafumafu knew that Soraru had left the apartment. 

After he made sure that Soraru left the apartment, he immediately jumped from his bed as he carefully opened the door and knew exactly where the older male was heading to. Mafumafu waited a bit more before he left his apartment as well and closed the door quietly before following the older male, making sure to not get caught. 

The sound of the cars and people growing fainter as Mafumafu followed Soraru to an abandoned building laying in the middle of a flower field. It was just as beautiful as it was before with the only difference there, was that the white flowers weren't stained with the red of Soraru's blood yet. 

He saw Soraru walking up the staircase of the building as he quietly followed the older male. Today as well, the moon was out shining in its fullest light. 

Mafumafu hid behind the walls of the rooftop as he peaked through it to see Soraru sitting down on the edge of the building and letting his feet dangling from the building as the moonlight shone on his pale skin. "Strange. For some reason, I don't feel scared of the height at all like I usually would be.", Soraru said laughing lightly to himself not knowing that Mafumafu was here. 

Mafumafu stood there as he listened quietly and gasped when the raven-haired male started to sing. He thought that Soraru noticed him being there. Because he sang as if someone listened to him. As if he wanted that someone to listen to him. But of course, Mafumafu made for the ravenette not to notice him as he stayed quiet.   
The tears streamt down on Mafumafu's face as he could feel the pain and sadness hit him as soon as Soraru started singing. 

"Hey, I'm trying to sing a song and look up at the moon here. Someday to you, only to you, I want it to reach you. I don't need promises anymore so I want you to keep shining on me. 

Always barefoot, never forgetting, towards the scent of the morning. The rustling sound of waves, suddenly it looked down at the flickering water's surface. The faintly shining moon smiled. 

That's what it felt like...", Soraru sang the last part as Mafumafu held his hands in front of his mouth to make sure that Soraru didn't hear his sobbing. 

"The moon is really beautiful tonight. I wish I could have seen it with you once at least, Mafumafu...", Soraru whispered and Mafumafu flinched at the mention of his name. 

"Ah... there is going to be quite something going on after this... But I'm sure you'll be alright. With the help of everyone... please continue on singing. Goodbye.", Soraru said as he was about to push himself from the building. But a voice calling out to him stopped him. 

"I can't do that!", Mafumafu shouted, coming out of his hiding place as the ravenette widened his eyes and turned around.

"Mafu? What are you doing here?", Soraru asked as Mafumafu feared that the older male would jump at any second and ran as fast as he could towards the ravenette and hugged Soraru as he buried his face into the other's chest. 

Soraru was surprised as he looked at Mafumafu who wrapped his arms around his torso tightly. "Oi, what are you doing? You— Mafu?", Soraru asked when the albino suddenly started crying. 

"Stupid, Soraru-san! What am I doing?! Stopping you from doing something as stupid as taking your life!", Mafumafu said as he looked up at the raven-haired male who looked down on him shocked. 

"T-taking my life? What are you talking about? I—". "Don't even try to lie to get yourself out of this! You were just about to jump, weren't you?!", Mafumafu asked as Soraru widened his eyes but didn't answer as he just stayed still when he saw that Mafumafu hadn't finished yet. 

"Acting like everything is normal! Never showing your sadness! And then wanting to take your life with even giving me the chance to stop you! Why? Why are you doing this?!", Mafumafu asked as he gripped Soraru's shirt tightly. 

There was a short silence as all they could hear were the sobs of the younger male. 

"Uwah, Soraru didn't do anything again this time either. Soraru doesn't do anything for AtR. 

Why is he even allowed to sing with Mafumafu? Get away from Mafumafu-sama already. You do nothing but waste his time. 

Now that I think about it... Mafumafu does all the work, doesn't he? Soraru just sings the songs so why does Mafumafu even want to work with him?", Soraru said and Mafumafu looked up at him confused as the ravenette gave him a wry smile. 

"Those are the comments which I saw from our recent song... Don't get me wrong. If it were just those comments, I wouldn't have thought about taking my life. The thing that convinced me, was the "Soraru Hate Site" which I found out about years ago. Pretty sad how that even exists. 

I wanted to ignore it but with thousands of people tagging me, I couldn't help but sneak a peak. The people there... they were pretty... harsh? 

I'll spare you with the details but they convinced me. After all, it was only the truth. That I'm doing nothing for AtR, that I just sing the songs, that it was my fault for Lon having to suffer. 

But I decided that I'd continue to live and help everyone out until I wouldn't be needed anymore. You were the last person, Mafu.", Soraru said smiling wryly as Mafumafu shook his head. 

"The last one who needed my help was you. I wanted to help you out as much as I could and I was proud of you when you surpassed me. And when I finally noticed how popular you have become... I realized...", Soraru started, ignoring Mafumafu's protest. 

"That I fulfilled my part and... that I wasn't needed anymore." 

"Of course you are still needed! Your fans need you! Your family needs you! I still need you! I will always need you!", Mafumafu shouted. 

"Who is going to scold me for doing stupid things? Who is going to play games with me? Who is going to listen to my useless rambling? Who will sing songs together with me as AtR?! Who is going to console me whenever I feel sad?! 

Who... is going to return my feelings and love me the way I want to be loved?", Mafumafu asked weakly and Soraru widened his eyes for the nth time this day. 

"Mafu... you say that, but I'm sure you would be able to find someone better out there. You don't need me anymore, Mafu—". 

"You don't get to decide that!", Mafumafu shouted as Soraru stopped talking. 

"It might sound crazy to tell you this... I'm not even sure what is happening but... you died once already. Y-you jumped of this building while I was sleeping. And the next day... the police officers came to my apartment and told me about it... you left leaving nothing behind... Nothing besides a note for me...", Mafumafu whispered hurt. 

"My biggest regret was to not tell you this and I wished for nothing more than a second chance to save you this time! 

Because you saved me in the past! And I wanted to answer you and tell you that... I love you! I love you, Soraru-san!", Mafumafu confessed. "You... love me?", Soraru asked in disbelief. 

"Yes! I love you more than anything else in this world! You are my reason to live!", Mafumafu affirmed. "Then... can I believe that there are still some things I can do for you?", Soraru asked as he finally returned Mafumafu's hug, putting his arms around the other's waist as the albino nodded, taking Soraru's face. 

"There is always something you can do for me because there will never be a time when I don't need you.", Mafumafu said as he tilted his head up to look at the older male who smiled amused. 

"Since when were you the one saying comforting words? That's my job.", Soraru said as Mafumafu giggled. "If you think like that you'll have to prove it by staying by my side~", Mafumafu chirped. Soraru just sighed and let go of the albino with one hand as the albino panicked and thought that the raven-haired male wasn't convinced. 

He let go of Soraru's face to stop the older male in case he was about to jump. 

But he never got to do that because next thing he knew, Soraru pulled Mafumafu closer with one hand by the waist and the other hand buried in his white hair. 

And the next second, Mafumafu felt a pair of soft lips on his own. 

Soraru had closed his eyes as Mafumafu was too shocked and had his eyes shot open. 

Before Mafumafu could even respond though, Soraru already pulled away as he gave him a rare bright smile. "If that's how you feel then I guess I'll have to help you from now on as well.", Soraru said which would usually sound annoyed. 

But the smile on his face and his tone betrayed him. For the first time since a long time, Mafumafu was crying tears of relief and happiness as he nodded. 

"Yes! Please take care of me from now on as well, Soraru-san!" 

Mafumafu had desperately wished for a second chance. A second chance to get Soraru back. Thinking he wouldn't get one, he decided to end his own life and end his life story. And when he got the a second chance, he took it immediately. 

It was like a dream for him that he managed to convince Soraru but everything was real. He travelled back on the day of that incident and prevented Soraru's death. 

He prevented Soraru's story to end. 

And from now on, they would walk the path of life down together. 

There would be difficulties. There would be pain. There would be a lot of hurdles. 

But as long as they were together, they knew that they could do anything. 

Now you might be thinking that the story has ended. Maybe it has ended for us. 

But for Soraru and Mafumafu the story was just beginning. And together, they would make this an unforgettable story so that everyone would remember them as After the Rain.


End file.
